PUPPETMASTER

D: David Schmoeller 1989

From the house of Charles Band, the Roger Corman lite of the new millennium comes a classic example of late 80s exploitation and madness. With well over 200 movies under his belt either directing, writing or producing, Band knows how to entertain. Sure it’s all low budget, small time television actors and washed out ex-stars, strange stories, cash-ins and exploitation but he does it so well. With Puppetmaster he’s come up with a story that can best be described as just plain nuts but entertaining never the less. Schmoeller, who directed Tourist Trap and Crawlspace amongst others, would seem to be a kindred soul and he’s put together a beautifully looking film using the main set of a 1930s hotel to its full advantage.
Our story starts in 1939 at the Bodega Bay Hotel where a strange old man is making puppets, evil looking little buggers that he then brings to life. Seems the old man is the last in a long line of alchemists who know the secrets of the after life as passed down from the Egyptians. Of course we don’t find that out until later in the film so for now we just know he’s a clever bugger. When two men in trenchcoats with German accents show up though we also know the old guy hasn’t got much longer to live. Unperturbed he hides the puppets, bites the bullet before the trenchcoats can even be opened and we then segue to ‘now’ where Paul Le Mat (American Graffiti) , looking remarkably like Peter Gabriel circa Sledgehammer only gone to seed, is having bad dreams about leeches and guns. It turns out that Paul’s character Alex is part of a small group of psychics who have been brought together by a man named Gallagher (Jimmie Skaggs) to do something though they aren’t quite sure what. When the group consisting of Alex who dreams of future events, a white witch Dana (Irene Miracle – Inferno’s Rose Elliot) who has a dead dog as a companion, a couple of scientists, Frank (Matt Roe) who doesn’t do much except look like a pimp and Carlissa (the very hot Kathryn O’Reilly) who can tell who’s been shagging in this bed, bathtub, elevator etc just by touch (nice work if you can get it) gather at the Bodega Bay they discover that Gallagher is dead, having bit the bullet himself. From there it’s a magical mystery tour as the story slowly unfolds, puppets pop up everywhere and people start dying. The puppets are awesome too. There’s a pinhead with human size hands, a puppet with a drill on his head, a Klaus Kinski lookalike with a hook on one hand and a knife on the other and a seductress who spews leeches! I kid you not!! While Alex dreams strange dreams about Gallagher and his wife Megan (Robin Frates) who owns the Bodega Bay, the puppets knock off the others one by one. Gruesome, bizarre and in the case of the leeches just plain disgusting, this is a film you wouldn’t want to watch while on psychedelic drugs. Unfortunately for all involved, it seems Gallagher has discovered the secret of eternal life but wants to eliminate his quartet of psychic companions before they can stop him. Unfortunately for Gallagher he upsets the puppets who then turn on their master and in a gory, twisted finale, give him a real seeing to. Luckily for us, Le Mat doesn’t have to do too much because, lets be honest, a bloated, gone to seed Peter Gabriel lookalike is not what you would call hero material.

Savage Messiah – Insurrection Rising (Candlelight)

Guitar work that will make you drawl, riffs that will make your head bang, songs that will make you punch the air – UK band Savage Messiah have put together a near flawless thrash metal classic!
Savage Messiah’s second album Insurrection Rising, their first on Candlelight screams old school thrash metal with names like Metal Church, Exodus, Meliah Rage and Testament slapping you backside of your head as soon as the drums roll out and the guitars come pounding in over top of the opener and title track Insurrection Rising. In fact right through to final track He Who Laughs Last the pace never lets up.
Lead vocalist and guitarist Dave Silver has a voice that at times reminds me of a young James Hetfield but he’s just as capable of going the poppier Jon Bon Jovi route too particularly on Silent Empire. And between him and co-guitarist Sy Taplin you get some blistering dual guitar workouts as drummer Ernie Nogara and bassist Sasha Cron hold down the rhythm while still managing to really keep the pace moving forward. And while Enemy Image drags you into early Metallica territory overall I wouldn’t say that they are the first band that comes to mind when you hear Savage Messiah and that is a pretty neat trick in itself considering the style of music these guys are wallowing in. Not that this wouldn’t sit nicely next to Master Of Puppets or Ride The Lightning, let alone The Dark or Bonded By Blood.
The promotional material would have you believe the band have combined the old with the new but to these old ears this is classic riff driven thrash metal – no nu metal tendencies, no remixes or pissing about with gadgets, just some amazing guitar work, a pace that never lets up and most importantly songs that hold together for repeated listening. And at 43 minutes this is an album that doesn’t overstay its welcome, in fact it leaves you begging for more. Finishing as strongly as it starts, I can’t fault this album at all – it is a beautiful thing. The more I listen to it, the more I love it. Crank this fucker up and enjoy.

W.A.S.P. – Babylon (Demolition)

Look, I love nostalgia as much as the next old fart but I love it even more when a band shows me they’ve still got something fresh left in the tank. Ace Frehley surprised me with his latest, WASP have done the same. Pity about Kiss but you can’t have everything can you?

From the opening chords of first track Crazy I thought I had stepped back into Last Command era WASP and I had to check the band credits to make sure they hadn’t reunited the band! But no, that didn’t happen, its just that Blackie Lawless, erstwhile leader and the man who is WASP has got his mojo back and this album proves it. At only nine tracks, just over 40 minutes and with two covers, Deep Purple’s Burn and a Chuck Berry groover Promised Land this is a short powerful shot in the arm of “nostalgia” rock. Its proof that you don’t have to relive your past glories all the damn time, you don’t have to just roll out the old songs. Sure it sounds like 80s era WASP but it doesn’t sound dated and old, far from it, instead it sounds like a band with some balls, some belief and a hell of a lot of energy. With former employee Doug Blair back on guitar, Mike Dupke joining in on drums and long term bassist Mike Duda still hanging in there and holding it all down the band sounds fresh and keen and Blackie hasn’t sounded this good in a while. With the four horsemen of the apocalypse on the cover and song titles like Babylon’s Burning, Seas Of Fire, Godless Run and Live To Die Another Day you know its not an album about love and roses but then neither is it back to the childish sex and silliness of the early days. That was funny when we were nineteen, it does date though. This album however shows us a stronger, more mature and tougher outfit and that ain’t a bad thing at all.
This is mutha fucking stereo cranked up driving music, with a beer tucked between your legs and a woman in a tight singlet sitting next to you as Blackie Lawless wails and the guitars burn. If the apocalypse is coming, I’m going to go out in style! Crank this baby up, wind down the damn windows and get on the road.

Metal Church – This Present Wasteland (SPV GmbH)

One of Heavy Metal’s most under rated bands reminds us just how good they are.

Metal Church are one of those bands that always seem to sabotage themselves whenever things are looking good with line up changes, break ups, mediocre releases or just bad timing. Their second album 1986’s The Dark was a classic heavy metal release, then they changed vocalists but still managed to put out a killer album in Blessing In Disguise (1989) before more line up changes ruined their momentum and the 90s were not kind to them at all. Various comebacks ensued but its fair to say it wasn’t until 2004’s The Weight Of The World that the band really got back to their best. With a stable line up (at least for Metal Church! – only one drummer gone and a new guitarist for this album Rick Van Zandt) the band has managed to keep the momentum going and with This Present Wasteland have delivered the goods once again. Led by mainstay guitarist and the only original member left, Kurdt Vanderhoof and vocalist Ronny Munroe the band delivers ten slabs of hard, heavy metal that show them at their best. From the opener The Company Of Sorrow right through to Congregation the band rarely lets up. Munroe has been compared to Rob Halford in the past but for me it was another unsung vocalist who immediately came to mind – that of ex Rainbow and Alcatrazz singer Graham Bonnet, particularly on tracks like Deed Of A Dead Soul and Monster. And Meet Your Maker wouldn’t have sounded out of place on The Dark – it’s that good. With a solid rhythm section, Steve Unger (Bass) and Jeff Plate (Drums) to hold it down and push the pedal to the floor this is a good old fashioned fast paced mo-fo heavy metal album. Nothing fancy, no electronics or sampling just guitars to the fore, a screamer that can actually hold a note and a pace that is relentless. Great to see them back at their best.

RETARDEAD

RETARDEAD
D: Dan West/ Rick Popko 2008
4321 Films/ Brain Damage Films


I haven’t seen something this bloody, this funny and this dumb since Peter Jackson’s BrainDead.
A low budget fun loving romp through the zombie genre that starts off firstly with Herschell Gordon Lewis voicing an intermission ad that isn’t quite kosher then runs movie trailers for two non existent films - Frankenstein & The Bloody Beast Of Terror and Dracula Versus Jack The Ripper complete with lousy acting, bad dubbing and all the thrills and spills of 70s drive-in advertising. It’s only then that the movie actually kicks off.
And what a movie. Following on from West & Popko’s previous movie Monsturd, about a mad scientist and a “poop monster” this time around, the mad scientist Dr. Stern having escaped in the last flick, has come back to Butte County to test his miracle serum on the local special education kids hoping to turn them into geniuses. Stern gives these kids daily injections that soon have them playing classical music, solving mathematical equations and being generally amazing. The side effects though include turning a strange shade of blue and wanting to feast on human flesh. In short, zombies.
The local cops, played in an Abbot and Costello type partnership by West and Popko are too busy chasing a local flasher known as the “weiner wagger” and trying to crack an elementary school lsd ring to notice the goings on though. Things soon turn nasty as the retard zombies hit the streets, spreading their virus and turning the whole town into flesh eating monsters. This is when the blood, guts, sausages and latex really start hitting the screen! Special FX man Ed Martinez is obviously a big fan of the old school Tom Savini zombie days and he pulls out all stops with arms, legs, heads and body parts going everywhere. Vivid red fake blood pours, spurts, dribbles and splashes all over the screen, sausage links are chowed down on, heads are ripped, hell it’s a flesh eating frenzy!
Dr. Stern himself goes out in style when he bumps into the living dead girlz, a zombie stripper troupe but hell what a way to go. I’ve always been a sucker for a redhead but a dead redhead? Damn, that’s my new fantasy death.
Throw in bad jokes, zombie priests, Jello Biafra as the mayor, acid trips, a zombie with a crayon stuck up his nose, David F Friedman, a zombie in a wheel chair and more stupidity besides and you can see why I laughed so hard. Finally in a massively over the top but funny as hell finale, the zombies are lured into the morgue by using one of the deputy’s as bait (covered in human body parts) and the blood frenzy continues with guns, chainsaws, knives, laser weapons, anything that can kill being used to wipe out the flesh eating fuckers. And even then, they ain’t finished with a beautifully done moment of “oops” to finish it all off.
This is a real damn treat. Good old fashioned, fun loving, blood and guts done on a low budget with lots of help from family and friends, everyone chipping in, a great sense of humour and an obvious love for the genre. West and Popko are two guys to watch out for.
With Peter Jackson seemingly forgetting his roots and now being trapped in the dull world of middle earth we need more guys like these. Guys who still want to have fun with the genre and have an obvious love for it. And I for one would love to see Dracula Vs Jack The Ripper!!

Time for some pussy

Nashville Pussy – From Hell To Texas (SPV/Riot)

Amphetamine fueled rock and roll that’ll have you screaming “YeeHa” and guzzling straight shots of whiskey.

It’s been awhile between drinks for Nashville Pussy – their last album came out in 2005 but they haven’t been wasting time, hell no, they’ve been touring the world, getting shitfaced, partying hard, collecting stories and coming up with the twelve stone cold classic rock and roll party anthems that make this album their best effort yet. From the get go with Speed Machine their blend of Motorhead meets Lynyrd Skynyrd meets Willie Nelson just hits the right damn chord. In the past the band have been guilty of maybe ploughing the same furrow over and over and their albums can lose a little steam half way but with From Hell To Texas they’ve stepped up and really come up with the goods. The down home rollicking porch stomper that is Lazy Jesus, the 60’s Brit invasion meets Tommy James chorus that is Why Why Why (although I don’t think Sir Paul ever wrote a lyric like “I shaved my balls for this!”) change the pace and strengthen the album. But don’t worry, these bastards and bitches (Hubby and wife guitarists Blaine Cartwright & Ruyter Suys plus stalwart drummer Jeremy Thompson and since 2005 Karen Cuda on bass) ain’t going soft on you, they still deliver the kick in the crotch they always have with songs like Ain’t You Business, Pray For The Devil, Late Great USA (with a touch of Peter Criss drums – or maybe that’s just me) the title track and the song to play whenever you’re feeling suicidal and need a reason to live – Dead Men Can’t Get Drunk. Like a decent bottle of bourbon you just have to have it all and damn the consequences. This is a band that refuses to compromise, refuses to go mainstream and god damn but you gotta love ‘em for it. Now if you’ll excuse me it’s my shout.

book launch - get ready to party

Paroxysm Press presents S. F. & T.* (sucked fucked and tattooed) by Kami
reprint and re-launch
Friday 20th February
TUXEDO CAT
Rooftop 15-19 Synagogue Place off East Rundle St, Adelaide