RETARDEAD

RETARDEAD
D: Dan West/ Rick Popko 2008
4321 Films/ Brain Damage Films


I haven’t seen something this bloody, this funny and this dumb since Peter Jackson’s BrainDead.
A low budget fun loving romp through the zombie genre that starts off firstly with Herschell Gordon Lewis voicing an intermission ad that isn’t quite kosher then runs movie trailers for two non existent films - Frankenstein & The Bloody Beast Of Terror and Dracula Versus Jack The Ripper complete with lousy acting, bad dubbing and all the thrills and spills of 70s drive-in advertising. It’s only then that the movie actually kicks off.
And what a movie. Following on from West & Popko’s previous movie Monsturd, about a mad scientist and a “poop monster” this time around, the mad scientist Dr. Stern having escaped in the last flick, has come back to Butte County to test his miracle serum on the local special education kids hoping to turn them into geniuses. Stern gives these kids daily injections that soon have them playing classical music, solving mathematical equations and being generally amazing. The side effects though include turning a strange shade of blue and wanting to feast on human flesh. In short, zombies.
The local cops, played in an Abbot and Costello type partnership by West and Popko are too busy chasing a local flasher known as the “weiner wagger” and trying to crack an elementary school lsd ring to notice the goings on though. Things soon turn nasty as the retard zombies hit the streets, spreading their virus and turning the whole town into flesh eating monsters. This is when the blood, guts, sausages and latex really start hitting the screen! Special FX man Ed Martinez is obviously a big fan of the old school Tom Savini zombie days and he pulls out all stops with arms, legs, heads and body parts going everywhere. Vivid red fake blood pours, spurts, dribbles and splashes all over the screen, sausage links are chowed down on, heads are ripped, hell it’s a flesh eating frenzy!
Dr. Stern himself goes out in style when he bumps into the living dead girlz, a zombie stripper troupe but hell what a way to go. I’ve always been a sucker for a redhead but a dead redhead? Damn, that’s my new fantasy death.
Throw in bad jokes, zombie priests, Jello Biafra as the mayor, acid trips, a zombie with a crayon stuck up his nose, David F Friedman, a zombie in a wheel chair and more stupidity besides and you can see why I laughed so hard. Finally in a massively over the top but funny as hell finale, the zombies are lured into the morgue by using one of the deputy’s as bait (covered in human body parts) and the blood frenzy continues with guns, chainsaws, knives, laser weapons, anything that can kill being used to wipe out the flesh eating fuckers. And even then, they ain’t finished with a beautifully done moment of “oops” to finish it all off.
This is a real damn treat. Good old fashioned, fun loving, blood and guts done on a low budget with lots of help from family and friends, everyone chipping in, a great sense of humour and an obvious love for the genre. West and Popko are two guys to watch out for.
With Peter Jackson seemingly forgetting his roots and now being trapped in the dull world of middle earth we need more guys like these. Guys who still want to have fun with the genre and have an obvious love for it. And I for one would love to see Dracula Vs Jack The Ripper!!