Apocalypse Then

BOOBY TRAP aka Wired to Kill

D: Franky Schaeffer 1986

It’s 1998 and LA has been struck down with a killer virus called T.A.P.E.X. that has wiped out one hundred and twenty million people and left the place looking pretty damn bleak. Gangs roam the streets, property values suck and our heroine Rebecca (Emily Longstreth) has just been kicked out of home cos dad’s got himself a new gal and she don’t like the daughter cramping her style.

So Rebecca goes and stays with old friend Steve (Devin Huelscher) who has a nice clean singlet, a house in the hood and a ma and granny which contrasts nicely with the sleazy, greasy gang living in an industrial zone having bedtime stories read to them by their brainiac leader Reegus (Merrit Butrick) who should be played by Wings Hauser but isn’t. Steve is a bit of a brainiac too, in fact he’s that most dreaded of brainiacs - a bedroom musician!!! Only he’s in the shed with his keyboards, junk and dinky electronic music - oh and a robot named Winston. I guess in 1986 the idea of making yr own music from the bedroom was cutting edge but christ on a crutch the music he plays for us sure ain’t. Not unless wanting to cut yr wrists after hearing it counts. In fact the music is very, very 80’s as is the girl as is the boy. Actually if Franky had set the story in 2010 he would have been just about right!

Anyway back to the story, we are after all professionals. The evil greasy gang break into Steve’s place, crack his ma across the skull and grab Rebecca to do rude things to her. Steve saves her but gets his legs broken for his bravery (by Tiny Lister Jr who was Zeus in the WWF!) Couldn’t they have broken his hands, christ, didn’t they hear the music? When ma and granny go to the cops all hell breaks loose. The cop shop itself is damn effective. Barricaded with sandbags and barbed wire, anonymous voices over the PA repeating messages about yr rights and the 1800 number to call about them – very claustrophobic and bleak as is the hospital that Steve goes to. The same public announcements in the same bland voices really adding to the idea of a faceless bureaucracy that doesn’t care what happens in the barrios or slums as long as the rich are protected. Granny gets whacked and killed in a scene that unfortunately sucks and ruins the previous buildup of atmosphere and grime. Budget constraints me thinks. Mum then gets carnapped by the gang, forced into the back of a truck, car and all and crushed. She’s tough though and broken back and all, crawls out of the wreckage. Steve, now confined to a wheelchair, and realizing that the cops can’t do shit, decides to fight back.

He sends Winston the robot out on recon with a camera attached to follow the gang back to their slum lair. Strangely enough none of the denizens of this hell hole notice the ‘little robot who could’ whizzing about. Some white suited ghetto pimp gangstas show up to sell drugs to brainiac and his gang but Winston grabs the money and sneaks off with it. Now armed with some bucks Steve and Rebecca load up their arsenal with guns, ammo, more computer junk and a bike seat that Steve rigs with a knife that’ll gut you from the nuts up! OWWW! Before this though, Rebecca disguised as a hooker sells some wicked blow to a gang member that makes Ice look like Milo. The foaming fake head however was very wisely only shown briefly. Obviously the money was spent on the robot not the special fx. (or the soundtrack)

Rebecca in fact has to do most of the actual leg work since Steve is confined to his chair and his ‘puter screen where he steers Winston (now armed with a pistol) thru his paces. Of course, she gets caught but luckily brainiac has his own plans for her so the gang don’t get to taste the merchandise. In fact brainiac wants to bring some culture to the shithole he calls home so he puts on Romeo & Juliet for the slum suckers and hobos that share his world. I think he’s just happy to have found someone else who can read! Rebecca, chained up and hanging from her arms is forced to read her part in a very painful scene. I admit I squirmed, I must be getting old. Winston comes to her rescue though sending the gang into a frenzy. While they’re all shooting at him, a Klaus Kinski look-a-like frees Rebecca. Why? Is it because he feels sorry for her? Is it because Winston can’t untie knots? No, it’s so he can hunt her….of course. Meanwhile Zeus blows poor old Winston to pieces… awwwww and Klaus takes Rebecca for a drive in the desert. I think he doesn’t want to share. Unfortunately before he can get anywhere with his date he gets his head fried with a pair of booby trapped headphones and a shitty walkman. I’m guessing it was Steve’s music that did it. It was about now that I started to realise that Rebecca was becoming stronger and stronger as the movie went along. The whiney 80s girl was gone and this new girl wanted revenge. They booby trap the gang truck/people mover and in a weird dream sequence/reality segue the gang gets blown to muthafucking pieces that makes me think Frankie was either getting arty or running out of money and time.

The worst is yet to come though when Steve and Rebecca start kissing!!! Noooooo!!!!!!! Luckily brainiac saves us from the disgusting stuff by bursting in on them. Come on you didn’t really think he was dead did you?

I have to say this movie is much better than I expected. The start is slow, the 80s so obvious but once it kicks in there’s something about this movie that I really enjoyed. It’s not yr usual future sci fi apocalyptic fare, the girl is really the hero, she does the hard work, the cripple has to sit in his shed and make things. It’s slower than yr big action flicks but it does occasionally build tension too. Winston is a gas and the faceless bureaucracy idea works especially in hindsight and the shitty grimy cheap feel of it all adds to the movie. This was Schaeffer’s first film which he wrote as well, he went on to make Headhunter and then dropped out to write books. For the materials he had on hand, and the actors (and I use that word loosely) he did a pretty good job. I was pleasantly surprised, you might be too.

So What Did We Learn?

For one thing, you can’t rely on bureaucracy in the future or the police, they’re just out to protect themselves. Bad bedroom music will live on forever and Shakespeare is still the culture of choice for all budding greasy thespians.

Five frosty beers out of six for this one but don’t you dare dance to the music!