shopping old school style

The local video ezy is getting rid of a shitload of old vhs videos for $2 each (would have been less if the boss wasn’t there!) and what man can resist such bargains. There will be a slew of reviews when I find time to actually watch these babies (oh my aching liver) but here’s the list of treats I picked up.

Thunderground starring Jesse Ventura! Streetfighting men.

Hired To Kill simply because it was directed by Nico Mastorakis and Oliver Reed is in it. You know it will be bad.

Fat City – classic boxing movie with Stacy Keach. Maybe just about the best boxing movie ever made.

Semi Tough – Burt Reynolds, $2 why not?

Action Jackson – Oh yeah! Carl Weathers, Vanity – come on what more could you need?

Booby Trap – it’s 1998 and LA is a lawless quarantine zone!

Moonshine County Express – New World Pictures, John Saxon, moonshine, gals!!! Would have paid $3 for this

Circle Man – Vernon Wells. More street fightin’

Penitentiary – come on $2 I had to.

Cherry Hustlers – sure its cut down to R rating but its Vanessa Del Rio. I had to rescue her.

Shakes The Clown –Christ I nearly came in my pants when I saw this on the shelf.

Over the last few months I picked up a coupla other treats too – it seems no one wants their videos anymore. Well, that’s fine by me.

Death Ship – no not the wanky new flick this is the one with George Kennedy. Sleazy grimy and a dollar.

The Thing – John Carpenter’s greatest movie? Anyway, it’s a corker and again it was a lousy dollar.

Confessional Murders – directed by Pete Walker so its gonna be good.

Savage Streets – yeah I know its censored but hell it still kicks arse.

Young Warriors – some dumb 80s vigilante flick but hell it was three movies for ten bucks and I needed a third.

Boulevard Nights – classic and underrated gang movie that wasn’t as colorful as The Warriors or the Wanderers and so has been forgotten. There were three copies of this on the shelf. Does no one have any taste anymore?

redneck lounge goes live!

yes siree, next thursday 17th March sees the redneck lounge open its doors at La Boheme Grote Street Adelaide for a bit of country, southern rock, punk, lounging, beer drinking music as we launch not one but four different zines. Sprak!, Corrupt Me, Analogue Apocolypse and Feminista. $4 gets you in the door and gives you a choice of two zines. the others you can of course buy as well, we wont mind. there's a bar, zines to read, people to talk to and Mark Of The Beast and Kami are the DJs for the night. So expect a damn good time.

redneck lounging

REDNECK LOUNGING

I got Joe Walsh cranked up loud

a block of wood under one corner

of the turntable

to keep it balanced

blue singlet and cold beer

sitting on a deck chair

flicking through old boxing magazines

no one home but me

I was white trash once

but now I’m middle class

suburban husband

school concerts and Saturday morning sports

I don’t fall down drunk anymore

or throw cups of warm beer

at the band

and I would never

get behind the wheel of a car

whilst drunk

these days I offer coffee to my friends

as we talk about the better

private schools

and circle dates on the calendar

for playtime & sports days & family

commitments

but on days when I’m alone

I get the block of wood just right

throw three cans of beer

in the freezer

slide Joe or Lynyrd

out of their sleeve

and watch the needle drop

I walk over to that patch

of weeds and clover

I’m cultivating behind the shed

and I piss away that first beer

as Rocky Mountain Way kicks in

lounging it redneck style

until the front door opens

and I have to turn the stereo down

and put my collar back on

songs to get hammered to

STINKING DRINKING SINGALONG BOOZED UP SONGS.

I’ve noticed that whenever I overindulge in the amber fluids (be it beer or bourbon) I tend to play the same rekkids over and over… or at least until the neighbours bang on the walls … so here is my list of drunken, I really should go to bed now, I’m so fucked up I just dropped the cover on the floor, lets put that song on repeat I love it, teary eyed, smashed as fuck favourite pissed, maggotted, I really should no better songs.

Suicidal Tendencies – War Inside My Head (Join The Army)

Not only when I’m drunk, this song has come in handy on more than one occasion when my mental state has been, well let’s just say, unsound. I put this on as loud as the neighbours can stand (that’s the neighbours six houses up) and prowl around the garage punching my fist into the air until I’m exhausted.

Stan Kenton – Artistry In Rhythm (any good best of) The fucker invented rock and roll in 1945!– have a listen, the buildup, the chorus, the crescendo, the wind down… so far ahead of his time. If only I’d discovered this when my old man was still alive (I inherited his jazz collection), fuck we coulda got smashed together and punched the air instead of just me at home alone, punching the air while crying about it.

Bruce Springsteen – Badlands (Live Version) Hey, I’m a dumb shit country kid, working class, poorly educated, never made no bones about it… this song speaks to me, fuck… it shouts to me. And I shout back!

Kid Creole & The Coconuts – I’m A Wonderful Thing Baby (Tropical Gangsters)

Because I am.

Millionaires – Please Don’t Mention The Junta (45) Aussie 70s band who made the mistake of coming from Melbourne, wearing wacky costumes and signing to Mushroom right after Skyhooks. This song is white label one sided, don’t even know if it really came out. A catchy little political pop ditty with a South American beat well before womad would suck the life out of world music. Oh yeah, and highly fucking danceable/ stumbleable.

Body Count – Cop Killer (CopKiller) Come on, do I have to spell it out? Ice Mutha Fucking T bitch!! When he was still funny.

Motley Crue – Generation Of Swine (Generation Of Swine) The reunion album that died in the arse – too many cooks, not enough coke… but the title track kicked butt.

Flash Cooney & The Deans Of Discipline – Future Fox (Horror Glitter Transvesto Billy) With lyrics like “the only thing between us is a little pair of panties and almost twenty years” this is a staple singalong after a night at the pub looking at the nubiles.

BuckCherry - Whiskey In The Morning (Time Bomb) The song that will be played at my funeral. This band was first brought to my attention by Tony Grudge. He said they were great. For once he was right.

Boozoo Chavis – Zydeco HeeHaw (Self Titled) Boozoo claimed he invented zydeco and I ain’t arguin’ with him. This is the song I finish the night with, dancing badly around the room to the zydeco shuffle! Not a pretty sight.

Nickelback – Figured You Out (Long Road) Ok, ok so they’re crap but hell, when this came out it was the only song in the top ten that had a fucking guitar, a hook, real musicians and I can almost play it on air guitar! So fuck you and yr taste buds - this is what I play where’s yr list?

why do i watch so much CMC?

well here's a couple of good reasons!

Cassette Culture Part II

Ok so I’ve loaded up my genuine, original K-Tel Cassette Selector for the easy flick thru, high rotation twenty cassette pick of redneck lounging goodness, all scientific of course - some I play all the time anyway, some cos they just look right and feel right as I flick thru lookin’ for that heart starter pick em up that will get my head cleared, my day started and the neighbour’s dogs howling…

RADIO BIRDMAN – RADIOS APPEAR. Yeah Hup, that’s right… original cassette copy bought back in the day when I was like 15 and discovered this band and a whole new world opened up. Me and my mate Ganders would play this on my pissy little tape deck as we trekked out of town to the caves up in the pines. We had a little cubby hole with posters on the wall, dirty mags to read and this tape echoing off the cave walls and thru the pines. It still holds up pretty damn good in the shed too.

MANITOBA’S WILD KINGDOM – AND YOU? Handsome Dick, Andy Shernoff, Ross the Boss… it’s the Dictators in all but name! Attitude, balls and rock’n’roll. Just a dumb shit party album that gets yr heart raising and yr pecker rising. What more could ya want?

fEEDTIME – SHOVEL. The greatest band Australia ever produced? I can’t think of anyone else who comes near them, except maybe early Tatts and X. Solid blues grunt, gospel beast funneled thru this thumping rhythm section that takes no prisoners. Cant say I lounge to it cos it always makes me get up and howl.

CREEDENCE CLEARWATER REVIVAL – 20 GOLDEN GREATS. Sure, we’re all sick of Proud Mary and Grapevine but shit this stuff still sounds great and I can listen to em anytime. One of the first rock bands (per se) that I discovered as a kid via my old’s record collection. I think I’ve still got the Proud Mary single in its picky sleeve rolling around in a box somewhere.

ROLLING STONES – STICKY FINGERS. Cost me a buck secondhand and worth it jut for “Cant You Hear Me Knocking” . I read somewhere that Gram Parsons and Keefy were very chummy around this period and it shows. Some real country pickin’ style filtered thru the stones art skool/ rich kid slummin’ it blues.

VARIOUS – DYNAMITE I had to have at least one genuine K-Tel release in the damn thing. This ‘un is as obscure as they come though and I found it at one of them bootslaes somewhere. Wizzard, Suzi Q, Nazareth, Mud – early glam, rock and Pommy one hit wonders. Clifford T. Ward? Who the hell is he?

T.REX – THE SLIDER Bolan was one of my first rock heroes. He still is. An original all the way even when he was a coked up fat prick. I still remember the day I bought this album, paid for with my own pocket money. It’s still arguably his best work and I play it all the damn time.

SLADE – WHATEVER HAPPENED TO? The album no one remembers. Heavier than previous efforts, the band had just come back from Amerikka, soaked up the vibe, came home and found that no one cared anymore. Pity, cos this is a lost straight out knees up rock and roll classic.

VARIOUS – LITTLE IMP An NME giveaway back in the 80s? that I found at a record fair so I didn’t even have to buy the shitty mag. 22 trax of solid R&B (the real shit not the kiddie porn they produce today and dare to call R&B), blues and early rock from the likes of Fats Domino, Louis Jordan, Amos Milburn, Patti Anne… not a dud amongst em and plenty of beer drinking songs strangely enough.

ALICE COOPER/BOB SEGER Picked this up for 20c at the scout hall junk sale. Someone’s home recording job with Welcome To My Nightmare on one side and mid era Seger on t’other. Cheap shitty brand o’ tape but its hanging in there even if Bob don’t get that much of a play.

CHARLIE DANIELS/ VARIOUS Same sale, same price. Best of Charlie, with all the good shit plus a pile of fifties rock like Hey Little Cobra and The Crusher. Decent brand of tape too. Love them sales.

HELIX – AIN’T NO REST FOR THE WICKED 80’s canuck heavy metal band who knew how to knock out a coupla sub ac/dc riffs, add some fine hooks and then fade back into obscurity. (‘cept at the redneck lounge where they’re a staple diet. I even got this on vinyl)

NEIL YOUNG – WELD This was a double but I taped this myself off a mate’s rekkid. It’s the Hey Hey sides up to Cortez The Killer. Didn’t think much of the other sides. I just can’t listen to Powderfinger knowing what it inspired

MOTLEY CRUE – DOCTOR FEELGOOD The band might have been straight when they recorded this but I rarely am when I listen to it!

MOLLY HATCHET – FLIRTING WITH DISASTER. Molly gets (unfairly) blamed for killing Southern Rock but hell I still like this album. A stew of boogie, metal and southern boy roots. It’s just dumb enough to be fun. And it gets plenty of play in the lounge, plenty of play.

GLEN CAMPBELL – GLEN CAMPBELL COUNTRY Galveston, Phoenix, Where’s The Playground… all that’s missing is Wichita Lineman. I make no apologies for likin’ old shiny face’s great takes on Jim Webb’s classic songs. I’ll put up with his shiny happy people schtick any day to listen to Jimmy’s songs. And most of you do too, its just I’m the only one with the balls to admit it.

CHARLES MANSON – WHITE RASTA Prison blues from an old hippy who shoulda known better. At least he don’t play no beatles on this! There’s an ambience about this tape, it’s dubbed down so many times now and you can hear the prisoners going about there business as chuckles strums his geetar and tries to spread some kind of message. Last I heard they took away his rights to have a guitar cos it’s not good for him or it’s a weapon or some shit like that.

NAZARETH – HAIR OF THE DOG 1975 release that still kicks rock and roll arse. AC/DC and Motorhead are rightly revered for their rock and roll stance but what about Nazareth? No bleached hair shit, no fancy boy Jet retro bullshit, no metal dweebs who don’t even scare their mothers – this is straight ahead sweaty beerhalls and years of touring type rock and fucking whiskey drinking roll!! Took me years to find a decent copy of this cos they’ve all been flogged to death and then I found the tape and the record in the same week! Now that’s rock and roll karma.

VARIOUS – KINGS OF CAJUN VOL II Suds suckin’ dance hall, toe tappin’ party music. Boozoo Chavis, Rockin’ Dopsie, Clifton Chenier… When I’m in the lounge pissed and can barely stand they’re ain’t nothin’ I like better than two steppin’ to Boozoo.

METALLICA – MASTER OF PUPPETS The last good album these fuckers ever did! Bought this back in the late 80s and it’s still hangin’ on despite the years of constant play. I can’t listen to these songs without throwing that waver in when the tape tightens up and then lets go again. Bow to the Leper Messiah!

Cassette Culture

So we took beezlebubby down home to the country for a week so nanna could spoil her rotten and I could relax a bit. After the tree pruning, taking down the goddamn xmas lights and spider proofing the place. Which is still better than last time when I had to get up on the roof and clean five years worth o’ shit out of the gutters. (I thought that’s what the grandson was for – hell he’s eighteen now he’s gotta be good for something besides feeding)

The first day we hit town though, the goodwife, beezlebubby and I went out to my mate Gander’s property for a bbq. Ganders and his goodwife have got a coupla acres of rock and dirt, a house, a big shed, a calf and an old ram in the paddock out back of the homestead, chooks, possums, crows and a coupla teenage kids of their own and Ganders and I have been best mates since the first day of primary school and that was a long, long, long time ago now. First thing they had to do was show us the new John Deere. No not a tractor, a ride on mower. He was proud of that baby, showed us all the bits, talked us thru the purchasing process, haven’t seen him this proud since he was a kid and came round to tell me he had colour tv, the first in town in fact. I used to go over there to watch The Goodies cos all we had was a shitty old b&w that couldn’t even get the abc and the other channel rolled anyway.

Anyway after we cooked up some dead animal and sawdust (sausages) and ate of the salads that they’d prepared cos we were totally unprepared, Ganders wanted to show us what else he’d been buying. Seems his boy has left home, moved to the big town some 50k’s up the road for work reasons, though he was still home every weekend to fill up on food anyway, and Ganders well he’s been out at the garage sales looking for furniture and cutlery and what not for the boy. Though he seems to be really just buying more shit to put in his bigass shed. Knives and bowls and shit he don’t even know what it is (like the world’s smallest juicer?) but he did pick up an old Phillips radio for me cos I collect shit like that and it can sit in my tiny shitty ass shed (size does count when it comes to sheds!) and then he pulled out the piece d’resistance!

A genuine, original K-Tel Cassette Selector.!! You ‘member them don’t ya? They used to advertise them back in the 70s on the back of all the K-Tel compilations. The Record Selector and The Cassette Selector – finds your favourite music in seconds! I had a record selector but it was a piece of shit really, it didn’t hold gatefold sleeves properly and you had to get the weight just right for the damn thing to work or it wouldn’t flick forward properly but the cassette selector it looks the goods. After all, cassettes all pretty much weight the same right? Of course it doesn’t hold double cassettes but when did you last see a decent one of them? It’s always Pink Floyd or Frampton Comes Alive or some hokey 80s thing with a bonus remix tape. The last decent double cassette I owned was Osibisa - Black Magic Night and that has long since disappeared into some other bastard’s pocket. So now, I gotta select twenty tapes and get this baby set up in the music half of the shed on top of the family radiogram which sits in the corner waiting for me to fix it up, next to the stereo with the block under the back corner to keep the $20 record player balanced. Between the two stereos in the place there’s four tape players plus my old double deck unit that plays two tapes at once cos I left the damn thing in the tiny ass shed for about three years and the cockroaches chewed through something but hell that can be fun too but anyway there’s plenty of places to play the old cassettes and since the scout hall across the road has these regular like shitty ass garage sales where Ganders would think he’d died and gone to heaven, full of mismatched china and three legged tables and lots of clothes no one, not even the poor, would wear but most importantly cassettes, boxes of shitty tapes and dubbed stuff and religious rubbish and all for twenty/ twenty five cents each, well I got lots of tapes floating around. Some I grab to play some I grab cos at twenty cents that’s cheaper than new for a blank tape and some well… I just feel sorry for em sitting there looking like they need a new home. But anyway, I’m gonna sort through them tapes and slap 20 of em in the K-Tel cassette selector and then when I’m sitting out in music half of the shed I can just grab one and play it instead of looking through the three drawers of crap or under the stereo or behind the radiogram or wherever else I keep dropping, stashing, throwing the fuckers when I’ve got a sixpack and a coupla shots of Nelson County under my belt and the feet think they can dance even though the rest of me knows they can’t. and when I do you can be sure there’ll be a list here of what’s made the cut.