Metal Church – This Present Wasteland (SPV GmbH)

One of Heavy Metal’s most under rated bands reminds us just how good they are.

Metal Church are one of those bands that always seem to sabotage themselves whenever things are looking good with line up changes, break ups, mediocre releases or just bad timing. Their second album 1986’s The Dark was a classic heavy metal release, then they changed vocalists but still managed to put out a killer album in Blessing In Disguise (1989) before more line up changes ruined their momentum and the 90s were not kind to them at all. Various comebacks ensued but its fair to say it wasn’t until 2004’s The Weight Of The World that the band really got back to their best. With a stable line up (at least for Metal Church! – only one drummer gone and a new guitarist for this album Rick Van Zandt) the band has managed to keep the momentum going and with This Present Wasteland have delivered the goods once again. Led by mainstay guitarist and the only original member left, Kurdt Vanderhoof and vocalist Ronny Munroe the band delivers ten slabs of hard, heavy metal that show them at their best. From the opener The Company Of Sorrow right through to Congregation the band rarely lets up. Munroe has been compared to Rob Halford in the past but for me it was another unsung vocalist who immediately came to mind – that of ex Rainbow and Alcatrazz singer Graham Bonnet, particularly on tracks like Deed Of A Dead Soul and Monster. And Meet Your Maker wouldn’t have sounded out of place on The Dark – it’s that good. With a solid rhythm section, Steve Unger (Bass) and Jeff Plate (Drums) to hold it down and push the pedal to the floor this is a good old fashioned fast paced mo-fo heavy metal album. Nothing fancy, no electronics or sampling just guitars to the fore, a screamer that can actually hold a note and a pace that is relentless. Great to see them back at their best.

RETARDEAD

RETARDEAD
D: Dan West/ Rick Popko 2008
4321 Films/ Brain Damage Films


I haven’t seen something this bloody, this funny and this dumb since Peter Jackson’s BrainDead.
A low budget fun loving romp through the zombie genre that starts off firstly with Herschell Gordon Lewis voicing an intermission ad that isn’t quite kosher then runs movie trailers for two non existent films - Frankenstein & The Bloody Beast Of Terror and Dracula Versus Jack The Ripper complete with lousy acting, bad dubbing and all the thrills and spills of 70s drive-in advertising. It’s only then that the movie actually kicks off.
And what a movie. Following on from West & Popko’s previous movie Monsturd, about a mad scientist and a “poop monster” this time around, the mad scientist Dr. Stern having escaped in the last flick, has come back to Butte County to test his miracle serum on the local special education kids hoping to turn them into geniuses. Stern gives these kids daily injections that soon have them playing classical music, solving mathematical equations and being generally amazing. The side effects though include turning a strange shade of blue and wanting to feast on human flesh. In short, zombies.
The local cops, played in an Abbot and Costello type partnership by West and Popko are too busy chasing a local flasher known as the “weiner wagger” and trying to crack an elementary school lsd ring to notice the goings on though. Things soon turn nasty as the retard zombies hit the streets, spreading their virus and turning the whole town into flesh eating monsters. This is when the blood, guts, sausages and latex really start hitting the screen! Special FX man Ed Martinez is obviously a big fan of the old school Tom Savini zombie days and he pulls out all stops with arms, legs, heads and body parts going everywhere. Vivid red fake blood pours, spurts, dribbles and splashes all over the screen, sausage links are chowed down on, heads are ripped, hell it’s a flesh eating frenzy!
Dr. Stern himself goes out in style when he bumps into the living dead girlz, a zombie stripper troupe but hell what a way to go. I’ve always been a sucker for a redhead but a dead redhead? Damn, that’s my new fantasy death.
Throw in bad jokes, zombie priests, Jello Biafra as the mayor, acid trips, a zombie with a crayon stuck up his nose, David F Friedman, a zombie in a wheel chair and more stupidity besides and you can see why I laughed so hard. Finally in a massively over the top but funny as hell finale, the zombies are lured into the morgue by using one of the deputy’s as bait (covered in human body parts) and the blood frenzy continues with guns, chainsaws, knives, laser weapons, anything that can kill being used to wipe out the flesh eating fuckers. And even then, they ain’t finished with a beautifully done moment of “oops” to finish it all off.
This is a real damn treat. Good old fashioned, fun loving, blood and guts done on a low budget with lots of help from family and friends, everyone chipping in, a great sense of humour and an obvious love for the genre. West and Popko are two guys to watch out for.
With Peter Jackson seemingly forgetting his roots and now being trapped in the dull world of middle earth we need more guys like these. Guys who still want to have fun with the genre and have an obvious love for it. And I for one would love to see Dracula Vs Jack The Ripper!!