Really Good In Theory

This Saturday May 31st Really Good In Theory is back! A market day of local DIY zines, music, art and sundry fun plus second hand books, music, mags and more... a great day to mingle, buy, join in, meet folk and see what adelaide has to offer on the 'unprofessional' side of art. A badge i wear proudly. Paroxysm Press will be there will all his literary wares, Harry Butler with books, music and more from the DNA/EC Productions stable, Karl the perfect gentleman and many many more. It's at the Irish Club in Carrington Street in the city and kicks off at Noon. Click on the poster for more details and come along. its a cheap day out so get out of the house!

Drive In Movie

RATTLERS

D: John McCauley 1976

This baby is in a ten dvd set I picked up for $4 called Drive – In Dusk ‘til Dawn that I gather is actually part of a bigger set put out by some one called Millcreek Entertainment (well, their damn watermark/logo kept showing up during the flick anyway) There’s a real early 70s tv film feel to this flick and it aint helped by the direct to dvd transfer of a really crap copy complete with crackles, pops and frames slipping. The movie kicks off with a coupla all American Disney kids out in the desert playing, blonde hair shinin’ in the afternoon sun, jiving each other and looking for bones when they stumble into a snake pit and get their asses killed. Cue Title and then we jump to our dorky hero, Dr Tom Parkinson, (Sam Crews) snake expert and all round cheesy dork but with immaculate hair and a nice safari suit. He gets called in by the local sheriff to help out with their investigation. And when a whole family including the pets gets attacked well, then Dr Tom gets an assistant to help him, a photogapher sidekick who just happens to be a feisty chick with a feminist bent. Another snake attack on a plumber (with the snake sneaking up his leg – lemme tell you I flinched) then gives us the snakes in the bathtub… so that’s where Wes Craven got the idea. He did it better too or at least he had a hotter babe in the bath not a nagging divorcee who only shows her back. Anyway, as the investigation continues, we find out the army is involved. Seems they dumped some chemicals down a mineshaft and Dr Tom needs to find that mine. Of course the colonel wont tell him where cos the colonel is completely nuts. Luckily the drunk army doctor with the bad toupee helps out with some info and soon the doc and the girl are wandering around a mineshaft with a torch looking for snakes, dangerous snakes, dangerous killer snakes… duh! Of course they stumble on em too (well, one at least I think, it was pretty shitty filming/editing at that stage) and they have to run back out in a truly pisspoor segment of bad filming, bad overdubbing, just bad everything. After that of course Dr Tom mentions that he’ll have to go to Vegas to find out where the mine is. Oh yeah of course. And so this girl who gave us a huge rant at the start of the movie about women’s rights and the workforce and all this guff goes all weak at the knees because he mentions Vegas? Cue, two minutes of holding hands, kissing, and dancing together in Vegas (or at least some fountain and a woodgrain lounge somewhere) then its back to the desert to be attacked in their tents by rabid rattlers. But then an army guy shows up out of nowhere, blows them all away and drives away again. Doesn’t even stay to check if Doc and the babe are okay. Turns out the mad colonel dumped some nerve gas down the shaft that is sending the snakes whacko and seemingly giving them the intelligence to group together and climb up pipes and into houses and all the other shit they’re getting up to. Mad colonel kills drunk doctor, goes out to the mine shaft and blows it (and hisself) up after firin’ a few shots at Dr Tom and the sheriff and then the snakes are sealed in the shaft, the doc gets the girl and we can all go home after we hang the speaker back on the rack, rearrange our clothes and drop the empty beer bottles in the bin.

Is it an eco disaster flick or just a disaster?

Well it sure as shit aint no Kingdom Of The Spiders or Frogs or even Piranha (which by the by is in the box too) but it was just so corny that I had to watch it. I’m a sucker for punishment. And hey the snakes were real, I’ll give them that and that certainly added an edge to it cos those fuckers bite!

shopping old school style

The local video ezy is getting rid of a shitload of old vhs videos for $2 each (would have been less if the boss wasn’t there!) and what man can resist such bargains. There will be a slew of reviews when I find time to actually watch these babies (oh my aching liver) but here’s the list of treats I picked up.

Thunderground starring Jesse Ventura! Streetfighting men.

Hired To Kill simply because it was directed by Nico Mastorakis and Oliver Reed is in it. You know it will be bad.

Fat City – classic boxing movie with Stacy Keach. Maybe just about the best boxing movie ever made.

Semi Tough – Burt Reynolds, $2 why not?

Action Jackson – Oh yeah! Carl Weathers, Vanity – come on what more could you need?

Booby Trap – it’s 1998 and LA is a lawless quarantine zone!

Moonshine County Express – New World Pictures, John Saxon, moonshine, gals!!! Would have paid $3 for this

Circle Man – Vernon Wells. More street fightin’

Penitentiary – come on $2 I had to.

Cherry Hustlers – sure its cut down to R rating but its Vanessa Del Rio. I had to rescue her.

Shakes The Clown –Christ I nearly came in my pants when I saw this on the shelf.

Over the last few months I picked up a coupla other treats too – it seems no one wants their videos anymore. Well, that’s fine by me.

Death Ship – no not the wanky new flick this is the one with George Kennedy. Sleazy grimy and a dollar.

The Thing – John Carpenter’s greatest movie? Anyway, it’s a corker and again it was a lousy dollar.

Confessional Murders – directed by Pete Walker so its gonna be good.

Savage Streets – yeah I know its censored but hell it still kicks arse.

Young Warriors – some dumb 80s vigilante flick but hell it was three movies for ten bucks and I needed a third.

Boulevard Nights – classic and underrated gang movie that wasn’t as colorful as The Warriors or the Wanderers and so has been forgotten. There were three copies of this on the shelf. Does no one have any taste anymore?

redneck lounge goes live!

yes siree, next thursday 17th March sees the redneck lounge open its doors at La Boheme Grote Street Adelaide for a bit of country, southern rock, punk, lounging, beer drinking music as we launch not one but four different zines. Sprak!, Corrupt Me, Analogue Apocolypse and Feminista. $4 gets you in the door and gives you a choice of two zines. the others you can of course buy as well, we wont mind. there's a bar, zines to read, people to talk to and Mark Of The Beast and Kami are the DJs for the night. So expect a damn good time.

redneck lounging

REDNECK LOUNGING

I got Joe Walsh cranked up loud

a block of wood under one corner

of the turntable

to keep it balanced

blue singlet and cold beer

sitting on a deck chair

flicking through old boxing magazines

no one home but me

I was white trash once

but now I’m middle class

suburban husband

school concerts and Saturday morning sports

I don’t fall down drunk anymore

or throw cups of warm beer

at the band

and I would never

get behind the wheel of a car

whilst drunk

these days I offer coffee to my friends

as we talk about the better

private schools

and circle dates on the calendar

for playtime & sports days & family

commitments

but on days when I’m alone

I get the block of wood just right

throw three cans of beer

in the freezer

slide Joe or Lynyrd

out of their sleeve

and watch the needle drop

I walk over to that patch

of weeds and clover

I’m cultivating behind the shed

and I piss away that first beer

as Rocky Mountain Way kicks in

lounging it redneck style

until the front door opens

and I have to turn the stereo down

and put my collar back on

songs to get hammered to

STINKING DRINKING SINGALONG BOOZED UP SONGS.

I’ve noticed that whenever I overindulge in the amber fluids (be it beer or bourbon) I tend to play the same rekkids over and over… or at least until the neighbours bang on the walls … so here is my list of drunken, I really should go to bed now, I’m so fucked up I just dropped the cover on the floor, lets put that song on repeat I love it, teary eyed, smashed as fuck favourite pissed, maggotted, I really should no better songs.

Suicidal Tendencies – War Inside My Head (Join The Army)

Not only when I’m drunk, this song has come in handy on more than one occasion when my mental state has been, well let’s just say, unsound. I put this on as loud as the neighbours can stand (that’s the neighbours six houses up) and prowl around the garage punching my fist into the air until I’m exhausted.

Stan Kenton – Artistry In Rhythm (any good best of) The fucker invented rock and roll in 1945!– have a listen, the buildup, the chorus, the crescendo, the wind down… so far ahead of his time. If only I’d discovered this when my old man was still alive (I inherited his jazz collection), fuck we coulda got smashed together and punched the air instead of just me at home alone, punching the air while crying about it.

Bruce Springsteen – Badlands (Live Version) Hey, I’m a dumb shit country kid, working class, poorly educated, never made no bones about it… this song speaks to me, fuck… it shouts to me. And I shout back!

Kid Creole & The Coconuts – I’m A Wonderful Thing Baby (Tropical Gangsters)

Because I am.

Millionaires – Please Don’t Mention The Junta (45) Aussie 70s band who made the mistake of coming from Melbourne, wearing wacky costumes and signing to Mushroom right after Skyhooks. This song is white label one sided, don’t even know if it really came out. A catchy little political pop ditty with a South American beat well before womad would suck the life out of world music. Oh yeah, and highly fucking danceable/ stumbleable.

Body Count – Cop Killer (CopKiller) Come on, do I have to spell it out? Ice Mutha Fucking T bitch!! When he was still funny.

Motley Crue – Generation Of Swine (Generation Of Swine) The reunion album that died in the arse – too many cooks, not enough coke… but the title track kicked butt.

Flash Cooney & The Deans Of Discipline – Future Fox (Horror Glitter Transvesto Billy) With lyrics like “the only thing between us is a little pair of panties and almost twenty years” this is a staple singalong after a night at the pub looking at the nubiles.

BuckCherry - Whiskey In The Morning (Time Bomb) The song that will be played at my funeral. This band was first brought to my attention by Tony Grudge. He said they were great. For once he was right.

Boozoo Chavis – Zydeco HeeHaw (Self Titled) Boozoo claimed he invented zydeco and I ain’t arguin’ with him. This is the song I finish the night with, dancing badly around the room to the zydeco shuffle! Not a pretty sight.

Nickelback – Figured You Out (Long Road) Ok, ok so they’re crap but hell, when this came out it was the only song in the top ten that had a fucking guitar, a hook, real musicians and I can almost play it on air guitar! So fuck you and yr taste buds - this is what I play where’s yr list?

why do i watch so much CMC?

well here's a couple of good reasons!